It is our Publisher, Joan Wilson’s 81st birthday today (Thu 10 September), and to celebrate it I thought I would publish this poem of hers that she wrote a long time ago. It was when we didn’t have many round-a-bouts (except huge ones) but we had a junction that malfunctioned so badly we had at least one accident a week there.

Some of you may hate round-a-bouts and find them difficult and mystifying especially the first time you meet one. The main problem is the signage that just says “GIVE WAY”. Give way to whom? You see in the UK (where round-a-bouts are everywhere) the signage there adds the words “TO TRAFFIC FROM RIGHT”. Now it makes more sense, doesn’t it?

Now Joan, even though she is Caymanian, did live ten or so years in England when she was first married (to another Englishman – yes she never learns does she?). Joan had to learn very quickly how to use round-a-bouts when she drove around the English countryside. She realised they do speed up the traffic and the replaced traffic lights except at the very busy intersections.

However, the powers that be in charge of planning our roads were heavily into the US system and traffic lights were taboo.

When they redesigned the road at the junction of Shedden Road and Dorcy Drive at the runway end of Owen Roberts International Airport with the two lanes that you see now, they did not use a roundabout. It was operated like a give way ad hoc/I’m here first and was like the old dodgem cars at a fairground. It soon got the name of “Malfunction Junction”. Even if you still hate round-a-bouts the accidents are a lot less frequent and the traffic has speeded up.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (81 but feels like 21)

MALFUNCTION JUNCTION

By Joan Wilson

I really had no business being on the road
At five o’clock rush hour
But my friend was catching a flight
And I was asked to drive her.

We left the Immigration office at ten past five
We didn’t have very far to go,
But we couldn’t even get out of the parking lot
‘Cause the vehicles were bumper to bumper and going very slow.

After signalling for quite a while
Some kind person gave us a break
You can imagine how pleased I was
This chance I had to take.

We proceeded east toward the airport
And approached the round-about
This is where all traffic flows so smoothly
Just giving way to the right.

Then came the traffic lights on Crewe road
Such long queues were my concern
We didn’t even move when the lights were green
Then they were red again.

By now my friend was getting anxious
As the time was going so fast
The airport was just a few yards away
Surely this long delay wouldn’t last?

But don’t believe it my fellow travellers
We were in that queue for some time
And to make matters worse for me
It had gone way past my teatime!

But what was the holdup anyway?
My brain was slow to function –
No wonder we weren’t moving at all,
It was caused by Malfunction Junction!!

Motorists have a very, very hard time
When approaching Malfunction Junction,
It’s only by good road courtesy
That we don’t all mash up at that intersection.

But you know, a round-about would cure it all
And it needn’t be so elaborate
Just a little circle in the road
Would help the motoring public.

“Just give way to the right,” I say
“And keep the traffic flowing.”
What works for Mother England
Is an example we should be following.

Well my friend made it to her flight
Just in the nick of time
And I’m sure she was in the Brac and well at home
Long before I got to mine.

‘Cause if you think getting into the airport is bad
Try thinking again my friend,
I crawled for another 15 minutes trying to get out
And I thought the queue would never, ever end.

END

IMAGE: www.dhakatribune.com – Now this image is really a malfunction – IMAGINE!!