Our top story today is under the title “Fifa corruption scandal: US releases three guilty plea transcripts” and I am sure it will break your heart.

Our poor (well poorer than he once was) Jeffrey Webb said in one of the three transcripts released on Monday that, “I abused my position to obtain bribes and kickbacks for my personal benefit.”

He said he was told in 2012 that sports marketing companies would offer “side payments” or bribes in exchange for commercial rights to soccer matches.

“I believed that such offers were common in this business,” he told the judge.

He confessed to receiving bribes for the sale of commercial rights for 2018 and 2022 World Cup qualifying matches, and in 2012, 2013 and 2014, including for the Copa America Centenario tournament, which will be held in June.

“I deeply regret my participation in this illegal conduct,” he said.

He confessed to conspiring to defraud his employers and conspiracy to commit money laundering offenses by transmitting money from the United States to front accounts in Panama, the Cayman Islands and elsewhere.

So the dear Caymanian boy who has dual Cayman Islands-British citizenship, and was educated in the United States, didn’t really know he was doing wrong. He “believed that such offers were common in this business.”

Oh, and he suffers “from a heart condition”.

I am positive you now have a broken heart and you are crying in your soup.

And, of course, the dear boy who campaigned on getting rid of corruption within Fifa and headed up a commission to end such criminal practices was wrongly put into that position. It wasn’t his fault. He just couldn’t distinguish wrong from right.

It must have been from that education he received in the United States.

None of his ill gained wealth that included taking money from deprived children was his fault.

As soon as he learnt that there was no escaping the truth of his misdeeds he quickly turned to the authorities and ratted out his friends because they must have also lead him astray. It had nothing to do with any plea bargaining of obtaining a certain amount of leniency when he is sentenced in June. He is now a changed man, has seen the error of his ways and is remorseful.

“Please don’t spank me too hard, your Honour, I didn’t know I was doing wrong.”

I must stop now as my keyboard is awash with tears and my heart is breaking up.

Poor Jeffrey.

He is just one of a coop of chickens that finally came home to roost for the bloated captains of world football!

May they all drown in the world’s tears!