By Melissa Martin

“Clothing-optional” is another phrase for nudity beaches, nudity retreats, and nudity resorts. Naturalists’ destinations around the world offer naked fun in the sun. “Naturist” is another word for naked—diving, dining, and dancing in your birthday suit. Social nudity refers to naked people being naked together. 

Peruse the 15 best nude beaches on planet Earth. “Although still taboo in many places, casting aside your clothes at the shore has become a customary practice around the world in recent times. From rocky coastlines to talcum powder fine sands, and big city bays to secluded shores, there are now hundreds of beaches where it’s perfectly legal (or at least de facto legal) to sunbathe, swim and otherwise frolic beside the sea in nothing more than your birthday suit,” according to a CNN article. www.cnn.com.  

There is an American Association for Nude Recreation and National Nude Weekend is in July. Who knew? You can stay in the USA and bare your soul—I mean your body. TripSavvy lists the best clothing-optional resorts and nude beaches in the USA.

www.tripsavvy.com.

Hmmm. Suitcases would be lighter on airplanes. 

However as a golden oldie, a public nudity scene is not on my Bucket List for a relaxing get-away trip. Viewing wrinkly old gals and hairy geezers is not my idea of a vacation paradise. Old folks, put some clothes on and cover up those shiny heinies. But there is no such place as a nude beach for senior citizens—or is there? Surf the internet and read about clothing-optional lifestyles for oldsters. That’s fancy talk for aging bums in the buff and topless tanning on a towel. 

Blind Creek Beach is a nudity place in Ft. Pierce, Florida. Old geezers would certainly go blind if they get a gander at my saggy female parts. And I do not want to see male body parts waving in the wind either. 

The old ladies I know don’t have a desire to take their aging bodies back in public places. We can celebrate ourselves by being fully clothed—and drinking Margaritas at an outdoor tiki bar.

But what if you decide to vacation at a nude place?

The TravelSmart website says, “Once you’re on a nudist beach, don’t stare, gawk, point, or giggle.” And slather sunscreen on exposed areas. Put a towel under your bare bottom when you lounge on chairs. 

Beware of naked fishing—a rogue hook could hurt. The etiquette of eating at a buffet may be different while in the buff. Be careful when dining naked or you’ll yell “Ouch!” around spilled hot coffee. Beware of creepers when nude sunbathing. That’s my advice. 

Add alcohol to a bunch of bare human beings and what may happen? Well, what happens when alcohol is added to parties where people are wearing clothes? Hmmm.

Senior citizens, if you travel to a nude beach—make sure it’s a nude beach. Public nudity is a crime and it would be embarrassing if your adult kids had to bail grandpa and grandma out of jail. That would not be a holiday photo for sharing. 

I’m trying not to judge or poke fun at social nakedness by choice with strangers in the wilderness (well, maybe I am). Yes, I’m aware that wild animals do not wear clothing. How paradoxical that people go outside to be naked, but bring pets inside and put clothes on them. 

But stripping down beyond your skivvies in a crowd seems weird. I would rather be focused on sun, sand, and surf—not naked Ned or naked Nelly. 

But what about skinny-dipping for charity? It happened in Ireland in 2018. “They came by the thousands, women of all shapes and sizes, to a secluded beach 31 miles south of Dublin. Their mission: to smash a world skinny-dipping record and raise funds for a children’s cancer charity…The Guinness World Records official who adjudicated the naked swim on Saturday, Lucia Sinigagliesi, said that 2,505 women had spent at least five minutes in the sea to set a world record.” www.aanr.com. Now, that’s an unusual way to raise funds! 

And why would people skydive in the buff? I think free-fall jiggling would tend to be uncomfortable. What’s the purpose of nude golfing? Putt and strut. Watch out for the person behind you in the downward dog pose during naked yoga.

Yes, humans are born without clothes, but clothing serves multiple purposes. Clothing helps to regulate body temperature; protects from weather and the elements; and traps odor. Clothes can protect skin against the sun’s harmful ultraviolet (UV) rays preventing skin cancer. 

And clothing provides psychological boundaries. It’s about modesty not morality. The human body is an exquisite creation. 

Humans are sexual creatures and can become aroused in naked crowds. And why do so many more men than women seem to enjoy social nudity?

And where do nudists put cell phones, keys, and mints without pockets?  Do they use fanny packs (pun intended)? And how do they keep sand out of their nether regions?

Call me prudish, but if I want naked fun in the sun, I’ll find a secluded beach to bare my derriere. I’ll let my caboose loose in private. 

 In summary, let the nudists hang free, but on their side of naked places and open spaces. 

Melissa Martin, Ph.D, is an author, columnist, educator, and therapist. She lives in US.