Both women and men often complain that partnerships are gradually turning the participants into “Siamese twins”: wherever you go, I go there. At first, it’s natural to spend as much time as possible with your loved one. But over time, the leash becomes shorter, and the more reliable and more authoritarian partner begins to impose his model of behavior on the other openly.

• What is freedom in a relationship? 

The feeling of freedom and independence in a monogamous relationship with a partner is about the right for personal space, for having a while for your favorite hobby, and a spare minute for your circle of friends. When your partner browses dating sites like sweety dating, this crosses your boundaries and can be considered cheating. But to a certain extent, we all should have a lot of freedom.

Where to go: to the mountains or the sea? With whom to leave the children: with your parents or with the mother-in-law? What to order for dinner: meat or fish? These are all obvious questions that any in-relationship couple faces regularly. And these seemingly little things can poison your life.

• Why is personal space valuable?

Sometimes we selfishly believe that the partner shares our interests, but the partner does not have the heart to argue. And some piously believe that their worldview is the only true one. Whatever type your partner is, they don’t read your mind. So, the only way to convey your feelings to them is to say so.

Doing everything together is killing relationships. If freedom is perceived as a breath of fresh air, then you live in a musty dungeon, and something needs to be changed in your relationship. Ideally, the mechanism of the relationship should be discussed in advance — on the shore. But who thinks about such “little things” when emotions are whipping over the edge, and hormones start to dance? If you can feel the chain collar tightening around your neck, then it’s time to discuss the rules, outline the boundaries, and save yourself.

• How to give your girlfriend more space?

Discuss what is essential to you

Ideally, before marriage and children. Understand how the values ​​of one match the expectations of the other. If one is a committed child-free and the other dreams of a big family, you may not have been cut out for each other. But in the process of relations, adjustments are always possible. The main thing is to be able to prioritize and communicate correctly. 

Specify your preferences and hobbies in advance

If you like racing, and a girl loves ballet, this does not mean that one of you, entering into a relationship, must give up their interests. Yes, it is possible and necessary to introduce your partner to your hobbies. Perhaps they will like it, and you will suddenly find an accomplice. But also, it’s okay if everyone stays with their own. You don’t have to go to the ballet if you fall asleep on the opening chords to Swan Lake. And your partner doesn’t have to obediently chant the name of your favorite team while you beat in ecstasy in the stands.

Clearly define the boundaries and say what is unacceptable for you

For example, “I am totally against your going to the bathhouse with friends.” Or “I don’t want you to go on vacation alone.” These are standard requirements. Your requirements. And your partner has the right to accept or refuse them. 

Don’t try to remake anyone — it’s a waste of time 

It would help if you were honest in relationships. It is better to immediately understand that nothing will work out than to spend a quarter of a century polishing someone else’s life while missing your own. If your partner wants a lot of freedom, you should work on yourself and learn to give it to them.

Some people prefer to live in a world of illusions without turning their heads to the light. If you are not one of them, do not hesitate to discuss your feelings with your partner. Do not hold a grudge to yourself. Don’t accumulate negativity. If your partner is interested in a healthy and harmonious relationship, he will hear you. If he needs a limp doll or a punching bag, consider whether you are ready to play this role in a relationship.

For everything that happens in our life, we pay with pieces of our soul. If yours hurts and bleeds, this is not loving. If you always give without getting anything in return, the well of your life energy will dry up, and the relationship will still end. So don’t waste your time playing giveaways. Build a healthy, equal relationship based on mutual respect and respect for the interests of both parties. It’s effortless — you need to learn how to speak and listen. And then freedom will not be a “breath of fresh air”, but a natural habitat.