Now we have a fuel strike.

Don’t we?

What’s that you say? “No we don’t”?

But people are joining huge queues at the gas stations, or petrol stations or whatever you prefer to call them. There have been stories of fights and squabbles on the forecourts. Stores are running out of jerry cans.

But no strike.

OK, the union that covers tanker drivers has indicated that they will definitely/maybe/possibly/probably call a strike of their members. Over pay, probably. It usually is.

How well we remember the last time we had such a strike. There were huge queues at the gas stations, or petrol stations or whatever you prefer to call them. There were stories of fights and squabbles on the forecourts. Stores ran out of jerry cans.

Just as now. Except this time there is no strike. Not yet. No date set; no certainty. But in order to avoid last time’s fiasco of people having to join huge queues at the gas stations, etc., etc., the government suggested people not panic-buy but be sensible and reasonable and keep their tanks two thirds full just in case.

Yeah, right. Yesterday morning sales of unleaded were up 80%. Many forecourts either closed because they ran out of fuel or were closed by the police because the queues waiting to get in were causing at traffic hazard. Diesel was out of stock at most stations.

And, ludicrously, some non-striking tanker drivers couldn’t get to the forecourts to deliver their loads of fuel because of the vast amount of traffic queueing up for er… fuel.

Telling people not to panic-buy is a sure way to make them panic-buy. It’s like when someone says to you, “Don’t look over there, but…” and the first thing you do is look. It’s human nature. We can’t resist it.

A stupid move by the government, or a subtly clever one?

Last time there really was panic. This time, maybe we’ve actually diluted the potential panic by spreading the load between people who will fill up regardless and those who think, “I’m not waiting in that queue; there’s no strike as yet and I already have half a tank so I’ll wait till it all dies down. That way, if and when there actually is a strike, many people will already have full tanks, especially occasional drivers who only do three miles a week.

I was lucky. By pure coincidence, and because my tank was dangerously empty, I filled up on Tuesday, before the panic took a hold.

(I had to observe as I paid the marvels in car developments. My reasonably new Mazda doesn’t look that much bigger than my teenage-years Ford Escort, but it must be – when I was a teenager I couldn’t fit more than £5 of petrol in my tank no matter how I tried, whereas in my Mazda I managed to fit a massive £63 worth. Where do they hide it all?)

Anyway, back to the panic. I was lucky this time, and I doubt I can be that lucky again.

So I’m going out later to panic-buy sugar, bread, tins of baked beans and so on. Nobody’s suggested there’ll be a strike of grocery delivery drivers, but it’s best to be sensible.

Anyway, the grocery drivers might just run out of petrol.

Excuse me for blatant advertising, but there just might be a shortage of stage play scripts on the horizon, so maybe you should all be sensible and buy lots of mine today.