By Ryan Yousefi Miami New Times

Ever get home and regret eating that gas-station hot dog earlier in the day? You got nothing on Norman Mosch. Or maybe you have a friend who always talks you into doing stuff you inevitably question later, like that extra shot of Patrón at LIV? Norman Mosch scoffs at your woe.

Police say Mosch, 65, was pitched the idea by his buddy Leslie McLeary that they would both take a cruise to Jamaica and the Cayman Islands, and while there ingest baggies of cocaine — in Mosch’s case 87 of them, weighing a little more than two pounds.

The failed smuggling scheme went down at the end of 2012, when McCleary and Mosch, a car mechanic, hopped on a six-day cruise to Jamaica and Grand Cayman on December 17, the Sun Sentinel reports.

In Jamaica, they met a local dealer named “Rob Roy” and then went to separate hotel rooms to gulp down the dozens of cocaine pellets. But unbeknownst to Mosch, McLeary pulled the old fake stuffaroo-in-the-pooper deal and didn’t actually swallow any drugs himself.

Mosch, unsurprisingly, began feeling terrible and spent the rest of the cruise half-unconscious. When McLeary took him to his house in Boynton Beach, he spent days collapsed in his garage suffering stomach cramps while McLeary pumped him full of laxatives, trying to recover the Jamaican booty from Mosch’s booty.

Police found Mosch hanging on for dear life as he lay in a driveway on Christmas Eve. One of the said 87 bags of booger sugar had burst — as bags of plastic tend to do when submerged in stomach acid — sending Mosch to death’s doorstep.

Mosch has been recovering ever since, even pooping one pellet of cocaine while police interviewed him. Another 82 were removed during surgery. For those of you counting at home, that leaves four that went into his colostomy bag after surgery.

Mosch has finally recovered enough to attend court hearings. He and McLeary face federal drug conspiracy charges.

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