By Melissa Martin

Talk to any counselor of couples and they will agree on the top three issues that cause the most conflict: money, kids, and sex. Of course, the mega problem is a lack of communication about money, kids, and sex. Another matter is the absence of problem-solving skills. Feelings often run amuck over misunderstandings, diverse perceptions, and different expectations regarding money, kids, and sex.  

Money. Too little of it or too much of it. How you spend it or how you save it. One partner may be frugal and the other partner may spend until the cows come home. Budget or no budget. One checking account or two. Oh! The stress of the green paper on partnerships. And emotional tantrums by adults reign supreme over needs vs. wants. Human beings can be selfish creatures. How we view and manage money says a lot about us.  

Kids. Many parents argue a lot on how to discipline their children. You’ve heard of the Disneyland Dad and the Mad Matriarch or the hard-as-nails father and the milk toast mother.  

Add blended families to the mix and conflict can increase emotional explosions. Raising kids to be caring and responsible citizens in today’s culture is challenging. And couples without human kids have conflict over how to discipline beloved pets.  

Sex. One partner wants more sex and the other partner wants less sex. One person wants more nonsexual affection and the other person wants less. And too much conflict over money and kids can disturb and distress the bedroom activities.  

Folks, are you connecting the dots about money, sex, and kids? 

What’s a couple to do? Yes, research shows the benefit of sleep, nutrition, exercise, daily meditation, annual vacations – blah, blah, blah. Yes, research highlights managing reactions to thoughts, feelings, and behaviors – blah, blah, blah. And the planet is plastered by self-help books, parenting blogs, and psychological advice out the wazoo. The brain, body, soul connection is discussed ad nauseam.  

Okay, I would be a remiss writer if I didn’t include reputable research and resources.  

The top 5 things that couples fight about are: money, parenting, housework, sex, and children according to Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, the marriage mentors. Visit http://www.lesandleslie.com.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, co-creators of the Gottman Institute and The Gottman Method Couple’s Therapy, are well-known clinical psychologists. Visit https://www.gottman.com.  

What is your parenting style? Visit https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/discipline-topics/effective-parenting-style-discipline-works/. 

“Every household has to decide who pays for what. Unlike your past experiences with roommates, however, you probably won’t want to keep pantry items separate in your marriage. You also have a vested interest in paying bills on time to preserve your credit.” Visit https://www.investopedia.com/articles/personal-finance/030716/managing-money-couple.asp. 

Please note that I am neither being slipshod nor slapdash – instead I’ve mentioned three areas that are worth examining for couples: money, kids, and sex. Now, go explore your own relationship and family issues. And how you communicate about money, kids, and sex is key. The alternative is to live alone in a cave in the desert without money, kids, and sex.  

About Melissa Martin

Melissa Martin, PhD., is a semi-retired behavioral health therapist, author, and a syndicated lifestyle, humor, op-ed columnist. She lives in U.S.