By Kevin Pilley From The Irish Times

Hammock-swinging, conch-blowing and other adventures on the Turks and Caicos islands

The hammock as a holiday pastime is something that I have not been able to properly master or fully grasp. But there is nothing much else to do on the Turks and Caicos islands other than hone your hammock skills and get the hang of being laid back rather than highly strung.

And hone your conch-blowing skills. It’s all about the embouchure. And breath control. And trying not to suffer a pulmonary infarction. Or a ruptured eardrum.

There is a popular folk myth that if you hold a conch shell to your ear you can hear the Caribbean. November 29th sees the 12th annual Conch Festival. This showcase of local culture will feature a conch-fritter eating contest, a conch-knocking contest, a conch-peeling competition and a conch-blowing tournament.

The winner of this prestigious event must produce a recognisable tune rather than a plumbing anomaly. On some islands fishermen announce they have fish for sale by sounding a conch shell. At the Turks conch festival, contestants in the conch-blowing section often announce they are just about to suffer a prolapse.

Everywhere serves conch. Stuart Gray’s Coco Bistro offers conch ravioli with sweet pepper and rose sauce. The Beach House serves a salad with heirloom tomatoes wrapped in rice paper. Hemingway’s offers conch fingers.

Blue Hills Road, off the Leeward Highway, has conch shacks where you “eat” rather than “dine”. Menus include conch sautéed in rum and butter sauce. Your waiter will even wade out to sea and select a conch for you.

You can’t get away from the white-meated , Strombus. Or tropical escargot.

Having eaten conch in its cracked (fried), frittered, sweet ‘n’ sour, smoked wonton form, I had developed many attributes of the great Caribbean gastropod.

I didn’t move very far. Or very quickly.

Columbus found conch on the Turks and Caicos islands in 1492. He described the shells as “the size of a calf head”. Provo has the world’s only commercial conch farm and you can do the tour and learn all you ever wanted to know but were afraid to ask about edible trumpets.

The conch is called “Titan’s Trumpet”. It is reputed to be the instruments most favoured by mermaids and mermen.

Providenciales (Provo) island, 550 miles from Florida, is becoming increasingly known for its luxury real estate and resorts.

Accommodation ranges from plush sprawling five-star, all-inclusive resorts with well-rehearsed, super-casual staff and as-much-as-you-can-heap-on-a-plate buffets to marvellous B&B establishments such as Columbus Slept Here. The Sibonne Beach Resort on Grace Bay is run by a Scots couple, Ken and Sandra McLeod.

The island is developing fast. It saw its first car in 1964. The locals or “belongers” are descendants of African slaves brought over by loyalists from Georgia and south Carolina to grow cotton and sisal. Mopeds can be hired to tour the 30sq km island and 230 miles of fairly empty beaches.

IMAGE: Turks and Caicos islands: where the conch is king

For more on this story go to: http://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/travel/stand-on-the-airstrip-wave-your-hands-in-the-air-and-the-pilot-will-pick-you-up-1.1983517