In my much younger days my favourite crime author was Edgar Wallace.He was already dead by the time I was born – I am not THAT old!

His most famous book series was The Three and the Four Just Men stories but he is remembered for “King Kong”.

I enjoyed his many crime novels that included titles such as “The Daffodil Mystery”, “The Lady of Ascot”, “The Frightened Lady”, and “The Man Who Knew”. He actually wrote 175 novels, 24 plays, and numerous articles in newspapers and journals.

Over 160 films have been made of his novels. In the 1920s, one of Wallace’s publishers claimed that he wrote a quarter of all books read in England.

I wonder if Cayman Islands Minister for Education, Rolston Anglin, has read any of his fictional stories.

Listening to the events that unfolded in Tuesday’s (13) Traffic Court reminded me of some of Wallace’s plots.

A simple traffic accident with no one hurt and carrying a probable small fine and a disqualification would and should have been the outcome. The Minister gives an apology, is contrite and all is forgiven and it’s over. A lot of us say, “there but for the grace of God go I.”

But no.

Mr. Anglin pleads “Not Guilty” and that was not an instantaneous decision. It took a number of days deliberation with his lawyer, Steve McField.

The couple of hours in court turned into a plot worthy of one of Mr. Wallace’s crime novels.

A lady, a minister and a crash in the Caribbean

By Wannabee Wright Er

The hero of the story, Anglin, gives THREE completely conflicting stories of the event on a rainy night in the sleepy Caribbean island of Grand Cayman. He is found by two policemen sitting inside a crashed car in a ditch amongst bushes and trees with a beautiful* woman beside him in the passenger seat.

*Note: I never heard the word ‘beautiful’ used but in all these novels the woman is always beautiful so give me some license.

What happened he is asked? Well first he had made a call to someone he knows in the local police force – a Chief Inspector and a woman no less. The Chief Inspector reports our hero rang to tell her he had fallen asleep at the wheel of his car and run off the road near some condominiums. She also says he told her more than once, “I have not been drinking.” Plus, “ I have been working late”, and “I am tired.”

All very straight forward but this is a novel, isn’t it? So ……..

Anglin tells the police officers, one is a sergeant, he swerved to avoid an oncoming vehicle and had ended up where he is now. The woman asks if she can leave as she needs to go the bathroom. Her hotel is not far, just a few minutes away. The police are smitten with her beauty.*

*Note: I know that never was reported but this is now my story and she must have been beautiful otherwise why would the police allow her to leave without taking down her particulars – not even her name and address. No asking for any identity of any sort. Now you explain that one?! I rest my case – she had to have been beautiful. The fluttering eyelids and the quivering moist lips. I can picture it.

The sergeant gives permission for the lady to leave. She goes to the hotel and into the bathroom. The police officer is not suspicious. The woman is so beautiful. He waits for her in the lobby and not immediately outside the bathroom door. There is no suspicion that she will do anything devious.

But she does. She does not come back to the lobby. She disappears. There is no trace of her.

Does the police officer inquire at the hotel desk? I expect so. “Have you seen a beautiful and (now) mysterious woman?” He asks. “No,” is the unexpected reply.

When the officer rushes back to the crash scene he finds our hero still in the car conversing with the sergeant. It is then to the policemen’s horror they know nothing about her, except now she is devious. She has disappeared.

But all is not lost. Our hero knows all about her. After all she was sitting in his car.

But now our mystery deepens. He knows almost nothing. Not her name, nor her address. Or so he says or doesn’t say. All he tells the police is that she was a delegate attending a Caribbean conference on the island.

We know no more than that. Further developments may reveal more but this will take time. This a mystery story, isn’t it? Where did they meet? What was she doing in his car in the early hours of a rainy morning? As he is a hero he probably saw the beautiful woman wandering along the road and her golden hair shone and beckoned to him in the glare of his headlights. He offered her a lift and found she was going “his way.” She was probably lost. We all know how easy it is to get lost on Grand Cayman.

Anglin now gets out of the car. He staggers and it is obviously from shock as our hero has, or as has been testified by a senior police officer he had contacted, said he has not been drinking alcohol. So he is not drunk.

But the villainous police officers*.

*Note: I know there are no villainous officers really in the Cayman Islands police force but this is a mystery novel. So these officers have to be villainous because we are on the side of our hero. He has to be being set up but why?

But the villainous police officers don’t believe him. One of the officers says he smells alcohol on Anglin’s breath. He is asked to take a breath test and as he hasn’t had a drop of alcohol he consents. Horrors. The test says otherwise. He is 0.036 over the limit.

Our hero is stunned. He can’t believe it is happening. It’s a nightmare. He is charged with Driving Under the Influence and he is carted off to the police station.

“I am a government minister,” he cries. “I am the Minister for Education. I am a role model for all the children of the Cayman Islands. I would never lie. I want them to behave like me when they grow up.”

Our poor hero. He is charged and appears in Court and a trial date is given. The nasty media have a field day. But our hero is a hero. He puts a brave face on things and appears on local television with the premier of the country all smiles as if nothing had happened.

Then he remembers everything more clearly. That mystery woman must have drugged him*.

*Note: Shh. This is a novel. It’s my story. My story is more plausible. How do you account for the different stories our hero has told concerning the crash.

And this story, oh boy, is this one different. And this one is what REALLY happened.

“It was raining a lot,” he said, “and I was attempting to turn my car around as I had forgotten to buy food for my dog, Cuddles, from the 24 hour gas station on the West Bay Road. After checking that the road was clear I slowed and, as I went to turn my car, it slid during the manoeuvre and crashed into some trees.”

And that’s his story and he is sticking to it.

To be continued

Of course my story bears no resemblance to anything that has happened in the Cayman Islands. It is all fiction. Any resemblance is coincidental.