If you were to read only the headline from the Water Authority – Cayman press release on Thursday (1) – see story in today’s iNews Cayman – you would think you were getting some good news.

When you read the whole release, however, you find that the news is horrible but that has been omitted from headline.

The removal of the Minimum Monthly Fee (MMF) has not resulted in much hardship to the Water Authority’s customers as only a small proportion benefited from it.

They actually tout this good news on their website saying, “Effective 1 November 2012, for both Grand Cayman and Cayman Brac customers, the Water Authority will be introducing a new rate structure. This new rate structure includes changes to water and sewerage rates as well as statutory fees. It also eliminates the minimum monthly charge for water customers. Now customers will only be charged for their usage.”

The person who wrote this must be applauded for his inventiveness in disguising what really is the news. Which is: water and sewerage is going to cost you considerably more – nearly 10% more!

The minimum fee they so nicely removed was $16.04 whilst the water hike is increased from $4.01 per cubic metre to $4.38 for the first 3,200 gallons, and from $5.10 to $5.57 for usage over the first 12 cubic metres.

If this isn’t enough sewerage and septage rates will increase 10% and there will also now be an energy adjustment charge (EAF) on those services as well as on the water bills. The authority said EAF is expressed in CI$ per sewerage fixture unit and CI$ per 1,000 gallons of septage covers fluctuations in the cost of electricity used to process the sewage and septage.  Other changes include an automatic annual rate adjustment and increases to statutory fees.

Another piece of priceless verbiage contained in the release is their explanation for the automatic annual rate adjustment – it reflects “the changing costs of doing business in the Cayman Islands.”

And the UK’s Framework for Fiscal Responsibility (FFR) bill also gets the blame for the increase. Apparently the Water Authority could borrow with irresponsibility and without any need to explain where the borrowing came from. Now they are facing increased difficulties with borrowing says Dr. Gelia Frederick-van Genderen, Director of the Water Authority. Dr. Genderen doesn’t explain why.

So being responsible costs money and being irresponsible doesn’t. Is that the message she is saying?

I don’t buy any of it. And I am very suspicious of any one who can headline a press release to their customers with a headline that says “The Water Authority has Announced the Removal of the Minimum Monthly Fee” when they should have said “Water Authority announces 10% INCREASES”.